Let us gaily tread the measure

LIVEJOURNAL!

I have not posted in almost A YEAR! That shit is unfathomable. I cannot fathom it. I keep thinking about blogging but not doing it. As Bill points out, if I didn't blog about the Robin Hood movie, than I am not going to blog about anything ever ever again. I AM HERE TO PROVE HIM..... WRONG. (What with LJ's asshattery, I sort of half-heartedly started another blog, but got tired with "designing" and "building a backlog of posts before re-launching to prove to myself I could do this shit" and took a nap. If I do do that thing, I promise to mirror posts here.)

My life is pretty damned good right now. My girlfriend continues to be amazing, and we are engaged to be gay married, possibly with a western themed wedding because we have been playing too much Red Dead Redemption and it's all, man, eff the pope, if I cannot get married in a big fancy Catholic cathedral than my bride will be wearing a holster. Catholic church, you did not let me grow up to be a lady priest like I wanted when I was a smaller person, so I am rebelling by marrying a girl. Suck on that, Benny.

To be fair, I also wanted to be a dinosaur or a dog sled racer. So I am rebelling and marrying a girl. Suck on that, evolution and my failure to move to Alaska and become a dog sled racer.

Work is good. I got a promotion about six months ago, and am respected, feared, and loved as the warrior we all know I am. That is all we can hope for in life. I am paid enough to afford an iPad, a Netflix subscription, and the makings of margaritas,* so I cannot complain.

We moved into an amazing little Victorian, and this is what I see every morning:



And this happens every time we cook:


I love my home with all my heart, though the fact of the matter is that living in a crazy elaborate Victorian during summer in Portland makes it very difficult to have the phobias I have. Will this be the year I POWER THROUGH THE FEAR? (No.)

I am fat and happy, the fattest and happiest I have ever been, and I hope you are the same.

I will make it less than a year before my next post, honest. Are you dudes even still out there? Give a girl a holler. I will holler back. For you, the remnants of my humble readership, I will be a holler-back girl.

* = Fo and I were given a DELICIOUS margarita recipe by a co-worker, consisting almost entirely of tequila, triple sec, lemons, and limes. We are digging the hell out of it... only to learn we are using only a THIRD the recommended booze. I am amazed he still has a liver.

We stopped at a stop sign, as is our wont, and watched an overweight woman riding a bright red motorcycle cross the intersection. She wore a bright red helmet, and behind her, wearing an identical, if smaller, red helmet, sat a little boy.

He made eye contact with us as we approached the intersection.

He held it as they passed through.

And he kept his eyes on ours until out of sight.



I strive to be that dude every day.

"THIS IS HOW I ROLL, JERKS. TASTE IT."

DUDES TODAY I HELPED AN IMAGINEER

"What would you like me to put on the invoice?"

"Uh, just 'Bob Loblaw, Disney Imagineer.' That's I-M---"

"Sir. I know how to spell Imagineer."

I have surveyed the internet, and I think the best way to reintegrate with the blogging community is to upload a video of my cats getting a bath.



Orange was filthier, but her bath wasn't quite as angsty.



I'll say something of substance later. Just wanted to let you know I am alive, and thanks for bearing with me.

As the credits rolled on Twilight and we capped off the bulk of our giggles, the ribbing began in earnest.

"If they're really hitting the balls that hard enough to generate thunder-like sound, how the hell are their baseball bats not breaking?"

To which my friend said: "Well. They're vampire bats."

NEVER DISMISS THE AWESOME POWER OF A WELL-TIMED GRANDPA JOKE. That one nearly killed me.

This series gets mega points for being a girly romance with the laziest romance and weakest female characters ever! It's sort of impressive!

Man, real life has been distracting in an unbloggable way. WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE LACK OF CEILING IN MY BATHROOM? Man, I barely want to hear about that. Know what it's like to make eye contact with 80 years of infrastructure while you pee? I could write an epic poem about it.



Foley drew this pretty sweet tat on my shoulder in honor of the update to littlebooks.



Follow littlebooks_rss, or readlittlebooks on twitter, or just subscribe to the newsletter at http://www.readlittlebooks.com to be pestered of the next update.

The Rock as Race Bannon may be the greatest thing I have ever heard of in my life.

Between this and Cate Blanchett maybe being Maid Marian (suck on that, Audrey Hepburn), I am tenatively pumped about the future of the cinemas.

Man, I've always hated Donnie Darko --- not in the manner I usually dislike things, but an actual crazy hate, like my vision goes blurry and I want to punch a hole in Richard Kelly's face, and then fill that hole with bees. I go from zero to

in nothing flat.

Under the recommendation of friends, we put Southland Tales on the Netflix queue, and gave it a shot late night, based on the thesis that I will watch any post-apocalypse movie once.

I... I think I may hate Richard Kelly. A pure, innocent hate, all-consuming and unthinking.

Watching that movie, I realized, this is what racism feels like. I am a Richard Kelly bigot. I am scared of him moving to my neighborhood. I do not think he should be allowed to reproduce. I do not want him to vote.

I want to punch him in the face, and fill his face with bees.

People I love and respect cherish his films, and that's fine. I respect your right to admire his work, admire his narrative voice. My bigotry doesn't extend that far. I just honestly and truly never want to think about him ever again for the rest of my life.

Unless I can fill him with bees. ...bees that have polio.

"Ultimate fans need not despair, though. Quesada announced that the Ultimate stories will continue in Ultimate Comics, a new line to be launched in July. Brian Bendis is on Ultimate Comics Spider-Man, with art by David LaFuente. Bendis promises that the series will trace the events following Ultimatum and, though it won't be a reboot, it does feature a new cast of characters, and we may see someone new in the Spidey suit."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY STORIES. Marvel, your stupid Event can go suck on Thor's hammer.